What if I can’t stop living someone else’s life then am I a coward?
Several people have asked if I am living someones elses life am I a coward? The answer to this is the same that I have given to those of you who PMed me about my home page.
No, you are not cowards and there is no high moral ground.
You are showing courage in asking the question. How can love for your outer relationships be cowardly? All you want to do is your best and not let anyone down. How can your sacrifice be cowardly?
Please don’t demonise yourself or others. It doesn’t serve anyone. Especially as some don’t even realise the part, they play in the moments you feel like a prisoner.
Nor was I cowardly before I stopped living someone else’s life.
It’s just that I didn’t explore and trust what my heart (some call SELF) really wanted. I can’t speak for you, but I knew that before I didn’t or care about myself. Which now makes me wonder if I couldn’t do that for myself then did, I really know how to love others completely?
In my story my parents loved me and wanted the best based on what they had considered the best according to their understanding of life.
My struggle was that although my brain tried so hard to align with their choice and even chose TO ABANDON ME several times, MY HEART DIDN’T ALIGN WITH their choice and compelled me to make a choice.
SO HOW DID I Finally RECOGNISE and follow my HEART? WHAT WAS THE PROCESS?
- My process of choosing myself began with the following realisation that I had to surrender to my greater Self and become more inventive and spontaneous when problems and opportunities came along. Rather than walking through imagined doom and gloom probabilities.
(Surrendering for me does not mean giving up but it means being fully active and LETTING GO of the need to orchestrate my life. It also means ACCEPTING new opportunities and using the GIFTS of compassion and adaptability)
E.g. finding work and an invitation to live with my in laws was not expected as was the welcome that never withered.
- Next, I began to examine my reality and stopped fighting it.
After all the reality of being a British Indian could not be changed. I was proud of my shared heritage so getting angry about past customs was unnecessary. Instead I : –
- Understood that while I couldn’t change the past and could not change a future that had not arrived, I could become active in creating the present and worked with both of my cultures.
- Began to remove the should and should nots for others and myself.
- Elimated my own ideas and thinking that no longer served me.
- Found that some of the problems I imagined did not happen.
HOWEVER, somethings and moments were far more upsetting and difficult than I imagined. Yet even then I understood those moments like all moments would pass. I found my STRENGTH and CONFIDENCE grew because I fully understood and trusted my heart.
Please note that following my heart was not always easy and some stages took longer than others. It is also important to note that following my heart over four years lead me to who I have evolved to now. It’s no mistake that spiritual books say that the mind lives in the heart and not in the brain.
During these difficult times most people forget about themselves so bearing this in mind and if you come from a place of open curiosity then as a gift I am happy to waiver my fee for a 90-minute coaching session to explore what your SELF, that is your HEART really wants. Please contact me here