COMMIT TO KNOWING YOURSELF BEFORE BRINGING IN A MATCHMAKER ??
Yesterday, I watched Netflix’s Indian matchmaking programme on arranged marriages in modern India and in the USA. ?
I watched it with curiosity as I am of British Indian ethnicity and opted out of an arranged marriage. In fact, I ‘married out’. Which means I didn’t marry within my culture, race, or creed.
In 1991 ‘marrying out’ was frowned upon by the British Asian community.
Fortunately, now you will find that that the ‘marrying out’ term is out of date or at least I hope that is true. Diverse families are quite common in my extended family as are arranged marriages.
What I understand from my experience and from successful transformation of life whether it means marriage or career is that before any change you invite to your life a match maker you must first
COMMIT TO KNOWING YOURSELF DEEPLY.
What do I mean by that??
Explore who you really are, delve deep in what your expectations are and begin to understand your values that you hold dear.
Many answers can be extracted from investigating your existing relationships with families, work colleagues and friends.
??Notice that I’m not saying what do your family want.
Why? Prioritising other’s needs and choices does not make for a happy marriage, colleague or successful career or entrepreneurship.
I’m asking you to look deep at WHAT YOU WANT AND WHY?
It took me four years to work out what I wanted from myself and my life and why I wanted it before I could take the bold step of deciding who I was and what was important to me.
My client took much less time. His parents had given him freedom to do what he wanted. However, by understanding his priorities and identifying his expectations of himself and a partner he surprisingly found more common ground with his family, ethics, and values. He enhanced his existing relationships and then choosing his life partner was far more straightforward. His entrepreneurial endeavours took off too.
Like him you really don’t have to spend such a long period of time and do it alone. You can ask a life coach to support you.
A life coach is someone who invests time in helping you focus on why you want what you want. Knowing yourself!
What are the steps
To begin your journey to reinvent your life like my clients:
?First SURRENDER yourselves. That means you actively practice LETTING GO of the need to orchestrate your life. This involves working with your mind muscles and intercepting your saboteurs like judge, pleaser or stickler, hyper achiever, or avoider. Which although you believe helps, actually comes from fear, stress, guilt, shame and insecurity and whilst could even monetarily make you successful do not bring happiness.
?OPEN UP and REALLY BE CURIOUS of new opportunities. Rather than imagining doom and gloom probabilities. You feel more empathy towards yourself and others and become curious about what you can do.
?DON’T FIGHT your circumstance and in vain hope for something different. you can’t change the past and cannot change a predicted future of doom that has not arrived.
?Instead be PROACTIVE in creating the PRESENT. Like my clients you find that some of the problems they imagined do not happen.
?Remove the SHOULD and SHOULD NOTS for others and yourself.
?REMOVE all your thinking that NO LONGER SERVES YOU.
NOTE: There are some moments which are far more upsetting and challenging than you imagined. But with the mind muscle work you know that these moments are like all moments and they will pass.
If any of the above makes sense to you but you are uncertain and not sure of what you really want but are curious to know more about knowing yourself and reinventing your life in any circumstance.
Then please DM me on soical media or leave a message here for more information.
Your biggest supporter in your choice to be proactive.