‘Going with the Flow’ for My Client meant being easy going, flexible and adaptable without complaint. She was non-judgemental and a most compassionate person. She was known for her beautiful smile.
After decades, her smile began to dip at the ends
My client didn’t understand why she felt so alone and empty and not at ease with herself anymore. She even noticed she had begun to take less care of her health and her looks. She felt ashamed and guilty because on the surface of it she had it all. However, ‘Going with the flow’ meant she avoided what she wanted, and it was festering as anxiety and low self-esteem.
When asked a simple question of “What do you want?”
Her answer was “What everyone wants for their family”. When the question was reworded. “What do you want for yourself?”. She went numb then was irritated. She genuinely didn’t know.
The beginnings of stopping her own flow
From a really young age my client had learnt to ignore her own needs. She was the eldest of many so her education was interrupted for her sibling at first so that she could help look after them and later to bring in an extra wage. When she married and had her own family their needs became her only priority. Her aim was to keep the peace. She became so used to denying conflicts and negativities that even when she began work she was taken for granted. “ Oh, X won’t say no, she’s so accommodating and easy going.” Which meant her working hours were adapted with others in mind. Instead of pretesting she gave them a smile.
Until I coached my client, she thought she was a habitual pleaser which can be quite exhausting too but in her case that wasn’t true. She wasn’t actively ‘Going with the flow‘ to please others and to be praised.
Instead she :-
- was doing it to avoid conflict.
- didn’t want unpleasantness and argument.
- didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings
- downplayed problems and tried to deflect others.
- thought it kept her peace of mind and peace between all concerned.
Learning to Flow with Ease.
First my client learnt that her avoidance of conflict came from her overusing her strength of empathiser. As soon as she began to take action to generate peace by not avoiding the smaller conflicts of interest but by working on them rather, she began to feel ease and felt in the flow. She learnt to allow herself to experience emotions such as anger and hurt but then learnt to quickly move from then by using her curiosity and exploratory skills along with her already strong empathizer. Knowing her preferences and saying no when she didn’t want to do something allows her to have a more balanced workday too.
All in all, my client is feeling in the flow and is grateful for remembering that her asset of compassion should be equally directed at herself.
If you are living in the flow then type ‘Flow’ below. Or If you would like to know more about mind training to reduce your saboteurs such as ‘Avoider’ message me here or email me at coach@clearthinkingcoach.com
Your greatest supporter of ease and flow
